I am content.

Pft!

2012-01-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

"My career destroyed my marriage, and it will destroy you." -Experienced nurse manager

Is anyone else afraid their career will destroy all relationships/change you into a completely different person who has no compassion? No? That's just me? Oh weird.

Overall people have a really positive view of nurses. They're so kind and sympathetic and giving... Angels of mercy.

Well, that's the general view. Here's what I've learned in my four months of real nursing.

People get jaded. I've met a lot of nurses who are tired of dealing with angry people. Healthcare is an interesting situation because people act like a hospital is like McDonald's. I am in pain, so I expect you to completely fix all of my pain. Part of this is cultural because Americans demand all things immediately. But dealing with human beings is not like making a hamburger, sometimes we cannot fix you. Sometimes you have to live with pain/discomfort. However, this is not common sense and people can get angry when they feel their needs are not being met. And sometimes we see people who come in for pain, but they actually need mental/spiritual healing and not physical. They react with anger when I tell them I am giving them nonopioid pain relief.

I find that the situations that exhaust me the most are not when I am doing compressions, but when I am dealing with angry people who want me to fix them, but I cannot. I want to address what I think their real problems are, but I'm only a nurse and not a psychologist. So we keep up this vicious cycle of people complaining of physical pain and requesting narcotics to cover their emotional pain/drug habit. I wish I could talk to them about what brought them to this point.

My heart hurts for these people. I feel used by them. I am tired of being a conduit to put a bandaid over a huge problem that cannot be fixed by drugs. I want them to know that I can see they have been through a lot. I know they have a lot of hurt and that they have seen terrible things. I want them to know that covering up this problem won't solve it and that Jesus really loves them and wants to free them from their pain.

So sometimes I'm afraid I will take all of this confusion and frustration and become bitter. I think when I stop caring about people I need to change jobs. When I feel anxious about becoming calloused, I am reminded of Melba. She worked in community health for years and that field has its own challenges, but all fall back into the root of trying to cover up a large problem with a bandaid. I know Melba has worked with difficult patients and yet she is the most joyful person I know. I realized that Jesus makes the difference when it comes to being jaded. Melba has more to offer to people because she does not rely on her own compassion, instead she relies on Jesus' compassion, which never ceases.

I told God I was growing frustrated with not being able to really help my patients and I was reminded that this is kind of what God goes through with us... He knows all of our problems and the areas we struggle with. He wants to help, but so often we ignore Him. He deals with a stubborn people, but His compassion never ceases. God fill me with this compassion!

So that's one problem. The other one is that all of the wise nurses that have gone before (and really love to say "I've been a nurse longer than you've been alive." It's seriously like the coolest thing ever to say. I think I may say it next time someone asks me, hm...) caution us to find something mystical called "work-life balance". And apparently if you don't figure this out YOUR CAREER WILL DESTROY YOU. Alright, you have sufficiently scared the crap out of me.

So I feel like a failure. I really love my job (yes, even with my frustration about not being able to fix patients) and I love my coworkers. But on my days off I kind of resemble a slug. I don't do anything other than a trip to a coffee shop to journal about my job. Yeah, I think I may not have that whole balance thing. Now obviously I'm still a newbie and therefore need more focus on my job, but I really don't want to only live for my days at work. I'm getting more involved at church, but for some reason I feel like if I don't start working out and find a hobby I will fail at this work-life balance thing. And if I don't succeed at that I may end up becoming a mass murderer/something equally terrible?

I tend to be pretty legalistic and I like having rules and lists so I can quantify my life. But I also feel like I need to give myself a lil grace when it comes to figuring out what it looks like to be an adult.

I think in general I should be satisfied with baby steps. And hopefully next year I will be able to say cool things like "Oh yes, I will be going on a cruise with Julie, Marge and Cass" or "Yes, I am going to India for a few weeks", but right now please don't expect me to say such things. I would like to be honest with you about the fact that my major goal right now is actually working up enough courage to go to the Y by myself.

Wake Up O Sleeper!

2011-06-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

Ephesians is legit, no really... You should read it. I'm a big fan. After a quick reading of the book a few things stuck out to me. There are reoccurring mentions of power and of the new life that we should be living vs. the old life that is unfulfilled and unhelpful.

The old life looks like this "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice" (4:31). Let's walk down a little goat trail to understand this concept a little better. I can see all of these things entwined in one scenario. Let's say John used all of my favorite type of bread. Maybe I tried to discuss this with him and I thought we had an understanding... But he keeps stealing my whole-grain deliciousness. So at first I was angry, but when it continued it turned to wrath. Maybe we had some moments filled with clamor and angry words. All purposeless interactions that only lead to anger. So what do I do to blow off steam? I talk to someone else about it. Talking about John's craftiness and the lengths he goes to in an attempt to spite me and incur my wrath. So I've slandered him. And now all of my interactions with him have an undertone of malice.

Of course John wouldn't steal my bread, but I've heard of and been involved in ridiculous conflicts like this. They do nothing to promote the image of Christ and in fact cause my witness to become marred. I was amazed at the kind of person I became over stupid little things. It broke my heart to think how I was bringing shame instead of glory to God's name.

I'm sinful, so the fact that I'll keep sinning my whole life is kind of a given. However, (and here is where the power comes in) God did not leave me in my mess. He teaches and corrects me. Paul writes about the "immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe"(1:19). The whole power of God available to us through his grace! Astounding!

And honestly, there are layers of sin in my life that I'm not aware of... You may have seen them, but I'm still blind to them. I really like Jon Foreman's lyrics "baptize my eyes". Everything about my perspective needs to change to God's view. I want to life to be vital. I want to always be in a continual state of growth.

And God wants us to grow closer to him. "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you" (5:14). Paul encourages us to be children of light and to have no part with darkness. Instead of all those nasty things like malice and wrath there should be thankfulness! There should be psalms, hymns, spiritual songs, melodies to God, and most of all thanksgiving. The thanksgiving should be always and for everything.

What a concept of community God has for us... Instead of arguments about silly things there would be thankfulness for what we have? And unity? Whoa. I want that. But I know it's going to be a battle, but thankfully I have all the power of God to help me. And that's a great thing.

Taiwan! 2/7

2011-02-09T00:52:00.000-08:00

I'm here sitting in my room looking out over the "canal" or "river" or whatever you decide to call it (depending on how OCD you are...). It's a sunny and warm day here in Taipei. The weather has been incredible. People here have been wearing layers because sixty degrees is winter weather to them. I've been breaking out dresses. I feel like I should be at the beach.

We've been here for over a week now. What can I even say about this experience? Nothing can really fully describe what we've experienced. I'll give you some highlights.. The Taiwanese people put Americans to shame with their hospitality. I've been invited on rounds with doctors and the top cardiac surgeon in the country explained what he was doing as he performed surgery. It was actually really funny... Jess and I had been in the operating room watching the staff prepare the patient for the bypass surgery. Everyone was very friendly and allowed us to stand at the head and look down at the patient's chest as they cut through his sternum. We left for lunch and came back around the time that the main surgeon was supposed to come. He walked into the operating room and immediately started talking to us. Everyone in the room stood up straighter when he walked in and here he was... This super important person taking time to teach us. They actually asked med students to move so we could have a better view. Uhhh...

More to come when I have some time to sit down and put some thoughts together. :)

Some glad morning...

2010-12-29T19:06:00.000-08:00

I went with Dad and Mom to one of the long-term care facilities he sings at. I sat next to a bunch of people in wheel chairs. The lady closest to me was very hard of hearing, which is kind of the bane of my existence. My voice is almost completely impossible for people with hearing difficulties to understand. This has led to me being called Elee, Elsie, Elisie, Denise, and many other variations. I despise yelling at people and when I have to yell at people for them to hear me I loathe it even more. I usually don't "yell" loud enough and so I have to repeat myself several times.

Anyhoo, the lady next to me usually glared at me when she couldn't understand me, but I did learn a little about her. It made me smile when (for most of the songs she sat quietly and listened) she would hear a song she recognized and would belt it out loudly. She especially liked I'll Fly Away. I told her I liked her voice. She yelled, "WHAT!?" in the middle of the song and Dad had to repeat it so she could actually hear. Great.

That was all a digression... I love being with older adults. They are treasures and it is one of my goals as a nurse to make sure I value them appropriately. They have no pretensions, no business... They are wheeled to various places- almost all autonomy has been removed. Suddenly as I sat listening to songs about God's grace, love, and power I felt like all of my worries meant nothing. What did these people have to be worried about? They weren't.

A lovely woman I met in my home care rotation told me she didn't know why people worried so much. "There's no reason to worry." She said... This woman had a stroke 20 years ago and has lost much of her previous function. She lives in an adult family home and has to have assistance with toileting. And suddenly all of my worries slipped away. What am I worried about? My job? School? Family relationships?

I get so distracted from God. All those things I just stated seem to fill my mind constantly. And then God allows me to see a different perspective. Older adults are coming to the end of their lives. All of their previous glory and achievements have all but faded away. Now they have to humbly accept help or rigidly refuse it. Everything is stripped away... All of our ridiculous pride in our accomplishments, all of the worries about the cares of this world. Suddenly you're being carted around to eat dry chicken and then having some stranger give you a bath. The fact that you ran the Boston marathon suddenly doesn't seem to matter that much.

God is my solace and I forget that. Distractions keep me from seeing that in reality, I'm just like those older adults... I just have more things to deceive me into thinking that I'm very important and busy. But when you come to the end of your life and all of those things are taken away, what is left? Will I still be worried about ridiculous things or will I have realized that God really was the one who provided for me... And all of my worrying meant nothing.

I'm pretty sure my 80 or so years on earth will go by very quickly and soon I'll be wearing diapers and being fed thickened soups. It seems like it's preparation for what's coming. All of my achievements are gone and suddenly I am alone. Soon I will stand before my Lord by myself with no distractions. This is glorious. May I live with this in mind. All the things of earth will soon pass.

Altars

2010-12-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

"I like those scenes in the Bible where God stops people and asks them to build an altar. You'd think He was making them do that for Himself, but I don't think God really gets much from looking at a pile of rocks. Instead, I think God wanted his people to build altars for their sake, something that would help them remember, something they would look back on and remember the time when they were rescued, or they were given grace." -Donald Miller. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years pg 213-214

We used to sing Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing at my first church. The second verse in that song talks about raising an Ebenezer (coincidentally, since Christmas is five days away... Ebenezer Scrooge? He failed to remember how God had blessed him? Did Charles Dickens do that on purpose? Maybe I should read it and find out), which basically means the same thing as an altar. I remember Mike talking about how much he loved that verse and something about building ebenezers in our lives. Obviously nothing except the fact that I now thought Come Thou Fount was cool came from that talk. Sometimes I think my skull is impenetrable.

Side note: I do feel that introspection can be very dangerous. My aim in this is not to dive deeper and deeper into myself.

A few years ago I thought it would be a great idea to write down the things I was grateful for. I kept that up for about 2 months and then I forgot. It got old. My commitment to God is faulty and faithfulness is not my strong suit. Last year I struggled with not feeling any emotion while singing in church. I felt nothing and the lyrics were uninteresting to me. I would rather think about that cute boy three rows ahead of me, and then, dangit... I would see his wife next to him.

I talked to a few people about how I felt dead. I used to love to sing to God... Songs about His greatness and love were so applicable. I wondered why I no longer felt any desire, why my first love was gone. After prayer and talking to wise Christians, and several months of confusion and angst it finally came to me. I was not moved to praise God because the cute guy in front of me had more of a space in my brain than the good things God had done in my life. Once again God's unfailing and perfect love drew me back. I repented and I decided to start blogging about His grace again. I did for a little while, but once again I stopped. This time it was because I had started the month of lunacy in the junior year. I was "too busy" to write about His grace. That always backfires on me...

A few months later I was gently reminded that I had ignored God once again. And it was time to change my journal technique. Now I was going to include the evidences of God's grace in my life, as well as prayer needs, and a reflection on the reading. This forced me to work on most of the spiritual disciplines. This has kept up ever since, but now God is calling me to do more than that.

When I got back from Mexico Mom and Dad told me that I should write down my memories from that trip. Did I? No, because I was stubborn and lazy. Also, that month after I got back from Mexico I was a total slug and I've never felt so worthless. Basically, I learned that a calm Saturday should be just that... One day, not a whole month. Hulu loses its charm after the third episode of Doogie Houser.

At clinical conference with Prof. K. and Danette I talked about a patient who was developmentally delayed and didn't actually want our help, but she really needed it. I pondered what to do with people like that and Prof K. asked if I journaled my thoughts. I said no and a pang of guilt shot through me, I should be though, I thought.

The next week I was waiting in P's Home Health office for my nurse to finish her business. I was lost in thought about something, probably how lush this clinical assignment was when I heard someone say, "Well, you're just getting your rollerskates on, aren't ya?" I looked up and saw a nurse who I had been a little bit terrified of previously. I said something along the lines of "excuse me?" and she said that I was just about to start my career in nursing. She told me her one regret was that she didn't write down her experiences. She told me that I should, so I can remember them.

Because actually, my memory isn't infallible and I forget some really amazing things. After this I figured God had told me to do the same thing three times, so I should probably get my butt in gear. I told Julie that night (because whenever I say something out loud, I feel like I've committed to it... So I have to do it). She told me she thought I had a gift for story-telling and that it was a great idea.

Alright, God... I got the message. You can put down the megaphone now. ...Maybe. Who knows with the track-record I have.

Here are a few of my thoughts right now... I'm making it public so I have to do it. ;)

1) I need to focus on praying for things more consistently... Unfortunately, my prayer life tends to be very much like my altars.

2) God is present and faithful and He tells me not to fear about next year.

3) I'm extremely forgetful and God is extremely gracious and patient.

4) God called me to nursing and He will be faithful to continue this work until its completion.

Psalm 131

A song of ascents. Of David.

¹ My heart is not proud, LORD,
   my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
   or things too wonderful for me.
² But I have calmed and quieted myself,
   I am like a weaned child with its mother;
   like a weaned child I am content.

³ Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

Obstinate Thermometers, Stubborn Over-bed Tables, and Incompetency

2010-04-09T16:40:00.000-07:00

I usually feel completely incompetent when I'm at clinicals. The things that usually get me are quite inconspicuous, like an innocent little thermometer or a simple looking over-bed table (which are not simple- ever.). It is amazing how I get completely flustered over things that should be simple. I realized (in part, I know there are more pieces to that puzzle) why I feel so incompetent all the time. I have one task in mind (like a morning assessment) and yet when I walk in the room the patient tells me he is in pain, he would like some coffee, he wants more pillows, he wants help with brushing his teeth, and he would like a new gown. So my agenda is bombarded with tens of other tasks that are all wonderful and important things, but I end up getting flustered when my task list is not the same as my patient's. I forget to do important things because I get side-tracked.

It amazes me how difficult multitasking is. I used to think I was pretty good at multitasking, but now I realize that I never really had much to do. In all of this hustle and bustle I lose sight of why I'm actually in the room (because juggling an assessment, transferring a patient to the chair, tracking down the nurse and remembering to demonstrate Christ's love is apparently too much for my tiny brain). I'm not in the room to do an assessment on a patient or to get coffee, I'm there (ultimately) to show them Christ's love. So not only do nurses have to deal with physical and emotional needs, they also have to deal with spiritual needs. People are complex and their needs are also very complex.

So I often feel like I am just trying to stay above water. I try to do things for my patients to show them I care, but I feel like I am sort of invisible to them. I am simply a means to relief of pain for some of them. This attitude was pretty obvious this week at clinicals. My first patient was in a lot of pain, she was pleasant, but had been in the hospital for a week. She did not want a lot to do with me, other than getting pain meds and sleep. I totally understand her frustration and I wanted to give her as much space as I could. My second patient was much more willing to spend time with me.

I offered to help her brush her teeth and wash her hair. We were talking about nurses and she remarked that you can tell the really excellent nurses by how much they care for the little things. I had never had a patient say something like that. We talk about that in our classes all of the time. That was always my aim, I want patients to know I care and one of my patients actually understood why I do what I try to do.

That whole interaction encouraged me to keep trying to do my best- even if the thermometer refuses to work and the over-bed table does not comply with my attempt to raise it. Patients do notice when nurses take a little extra time to do "the simple things".

Christian nurses? Prayer with patients?

2010-02-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

I prayed with a patient for the first time this week. I never viewed my role as a Christian nursing student as being similar to a Christian going door to door. My witnessing was by service- not by handing out pamphlets. The instructors talked about praying with patients, but I never felt called to pray with a patient. My patients were either getting better or were having psych problems. I never felt that prayer was needed or appropriate.

My patient on Thursday is addicted to several substances. He was very concerned about not getting into a rehab clinic after leaving the hospital. I could see the fear in his eyes. He acted annoyed and verbalized his agitation with the situation. I prayed silently for him. I got to know him pretty well when I interviewed him for Gordon's. I appreciated his candor about his addictions and I sensed that he honestly wanted to change and that he despised the place he was at in life.

I also considered how I could walk away from that hospital completely free. There is nothing in the world that has power over me. When he leaves the hospital he has no support system. He knew how easy it would be to end up back on the streets- taking heroin and eating two pieces of toast every other day. He was terrified of leaving that hospital. It signified safety to him- it was a place where he could actually get help.

I felt like I should offer to pray for him. I prayed for him right before I left for the post clinical conference. He seemed a little awkward about the whole situation, but he agreed to let me pray for him. I asked God to free him from this addiction. I asked that he would get into a rehab program and that he would have peace. I could so clearly see the bondage he was in and I knew he felt enslaved as well. I hope he finds freedom.

I guess I am learning that nursing is not a formula that you can apply to every patient. We were taught that care needs to be tailored to the specific patient- well, I feel that spiritual care also needs to be suited to each patient. Christian nurses need to be open to the leading of the Spirit. He will lead us to say the words the patient needs to hear. The effect of our actions is not immediate, but God rarely immediately resolves situations. I know He has a good plan for my patient and I am so thankful that He allowed me to get to know one of His children.

1/29

2010-01-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

Friday was my first day on the floor at Providence. I miss Evergreen. I miss the open spaces. I miss the simple charting system. I miss the fact that the meds were in the room, instead of by the nurse's station. I miss my old clinical instructors. I miss waking up at 9am for clinicals.

So first of all, getting up at 4:40 is not nice... ever. The girls and I all agreed that clinicals feel much more epic and taxing when you have the morning shift. I spent the first hour and a half on the floor in my patient's room. I'm not even sure how the tasks took that long. There was only one CNA on the sixth floor (for maybe fifty patients, whereas at Evergreen there was one nurse tech to 12 patients) and I only saw him maybe three times the whole day. At Evergreen I had to fight the nurse techs (I guess they don't have nurse techs at Prov) off so I could do some tasks, but at Prov all the CNA did was take vitals. I think that's why patient care took so much longer than it has before. Plus, my patient had psych problems and required a lot of attention.

I was very ready to sit down and relax after I finished that shift. The nurse was only in the room for about twenty minutes for the whole day. So I provided most of the care. I can't imagine having four patients.

I liked my rotation at Evergreen. The work the nurses did looked interesting to me. I was on the med-surge floor at Evergreen and I'm still on a med-surge floor at Prov. But my view of med-surge has changed. It seems like all the nurses do there is babysit patients. I used to be afraid to be involved with trauma cases, but now I want to be involved in something with a little more intensity. I'll have to wait and see what God shows me. I have a feeling He'll give me a desire to work in a specific location.

Yesterday was the first day in nursing school that I started to doubt whether I should even be a nurse. I made a lot of mistakes and I was tired of failing all the time and feeling like an idiot. I know it's all part of the learning process, but I kept having this reoccurring doubt of whether I was capable of doing this job. Nurses have to be SO on top of their game- if they don't, people die. Can I handle that responsibility? I wanted to crawl back into my books where it's safe. I don't have power over people's lives. Teaching in a nursing school seems a lot more attractive to me today than it ever has. I've always loved learning about the nuts and bolts of things.

Plus, textbooks are safe. You can't kill someone with coronary artery disease just by reading about it.

Caroline told me that everyone has days like these. I know that's true, but I've only doubted my calling once before and God immediately quelled my doubt. He's letting me sit with this one, I think. I imagine there will be days when I get off work and I'll never want to go back. Did I imagine that my nursing career would be all rainbows and lollipops? I think I did. My view of the world is quite rosy, so when bad days come I don't know what to do with them.

I do know that I need to meditate on the evidence of God's grace in my life. That always squashes those scary giants that threaten my sanity.

The nurse I worked with yesterday taught me how to change IV tubing. She was very patient and wise. I want to have the same confidence and kindness she showed to her coworkers and her patients.
My new clinical instructor is very nice. She requires a lot, but that is SO good. I'm learning how to be responsible for someone's life- this training process needs to be intense. She is also very patient and understanding.
Margena, Julie and I were put into Cassandra's group. Transferring to a new hospital without those two would be even harder than transferring to a new hospital (which is an enormous task. It's like the first day of clinicals all over again).
I'm getting to know Whitney and Kara better. Those two were the ones that I knew the least from the nursing cohort. They are both very sweet, friendly and they're also really funny. I'm very thankful I'm getting the opportunity to know them.
The view from the hospital is beautiful. I can see mountains covered with snow and the Sound. I think the Northwest is the most beautiful place on the planet.
I get off from morning clinicals at 2:30- leaving me free to play/work for the rest of the afternoon. I do like this. I would get back from evening clinicals and go to bed an hour later.
I was at a low point emotionally, mentally and physically last night. I was drained of all my strength. I love being at that point because then I cannot rely on myself. That is my desert where God removes all of the distractions, all of my self-confidence (I don't deal well with messing up.), and it is there that I can finally see the great peace He offers me. I produce so much business in my life- I overlook the calm He brings. I ended up staying up until almost 2 last night because I felt like savoring that feeling. Absolutely drained- but convinced that God was present.

I know He will clear out the mess my brain is in.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ...What then shall we say in response to this? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death or nor life, neither angles nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:28, 31-32, 37-39

Task List.

2010-01-30T22:48:00.000-08:00

This is a journal entry for my Faith Integration class. I wrote it after yesterday's clinical experience. I still have a lot of thoughts about yesterday- it wasn't my easiest day.

One of the things I love about nursing is that it is an opportunity to physically show Christ's love to others. I suppose my main assumption about nursing was that my patients would be able to have normal conversation with me. During clinicals I learned that this is not always the case. I noticed that I struggle with patients who have psych problems. How do I show love to someone who does not understand why I am doing what I am doing? How do I show love to someone who misinterprets my actions as intended to harm him/her?

These questions automatically made me think of Jesus. He loved me while I was unresponsive and hateful toward Him. He never got so caught up in the task of saving me that He forgot to show love to me. I need to fight this form of apathy. I need to remind myself that even if my patients do not show love to me, I still need to love them. Even if they are unresponsive or rude- I am still called to love them. I do not want to view my patients as items on a list of tasks. My goal is to love them through service; I do not want to get sidetracked and view the task at hand as my reason for being a nurse. I will get easily burned out if I do not remember why I am serving. It all comes back to Christ's example of love.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die (or a nurse might be willing to work with a very pleasant patient). But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Christ sacrificed His life for sinners who hated Him. I may be called upon to help patients who strongly dislike me. His example is supreme and He is worthy of all praise for His amazing sacrifice. I can look to His example and know that He will help me to love patients with His love.)

Worship

2010-01-16T00:25:00.000-08:00

Out of pride have I come, bearing false sacrifice
It has only belied the hardness inside
I am here to repent. Will You break through this stone?
Will You humble this soul? Make me acceptable?
-You Have Opened My Mouth by Ghost Ship

For the last couple of years I have felt extremely apathetic about worship. I've felt apathetic about a lot of things. Some of these things I used to care passionately about, but recently I've felt neutral or disinterested towards them. This isn't to say that I've been completely disinterested in worship, but most of the time I don't feel like the songs apply to me. So I guess I could say that most of the time I come bearing false sacrifice when I come to sing to God.

The last few years have been a dry patch for me spiritually. God has done amazing things in the past two years, but I definitely felt a separation from Him from what I used to feel. I was at a loss to find an answer to this new emotional state. After praying and waiting for months and months I finally realized that I had ceased to maintain my thankful attitude toward God because I had stopped reminiscing on His work in my life. That is why I started to blog again. I realized that blogging is where I really enjoyed (and found it easier than writing in my journal) writing about God's grace. What finally made me realize what started this dry spell was a statement made by Oswald Chambers. He wrote that worship "is giving to God the best that He has given you" (entry for January 6.).

Another element that added to my confusion was being confronted with enthusiastic singing at NU. Worship here is highly emotional (some people have described it as Jesus-is-my-boyfriend-lyrics) and highly repetitive. People raise their hands, clap, and dance. This was such a culture shock for me. My junior high youth group worship functioned much like this, but that was a long time ago for me. Since then I had gotten used to focusing on your response to the lyrics as the main point and not the emotions that everyone else had from the lyrics or music. I guess at my church worship is more introverted, but here it is extroverted.

I was comforted to know that I wasn't the only one who struggled to adjust to this style of worship. One friend explained that she doesn't express herself in worship the same way as the majority of NU students do. I agreed with her. My preferences in worship align much more with hymns. I like the mix of words and how many different parts of a story they try to tell. I struggle to "get into" repetitive songs that repeat the same nine words for twenty minutes (I'm not kidding).

I feel like judgment is so easy when it comes to worship. For people like me, it's easy to look at people who worship in an extroverted style and automatically assume that they are just being swept away by their emotions and that there is no real change occuring in their lives. This is so, so dangerous-not to mention sinful. I am in no position to look at my brothers and sisters and assume that I know their stories and their lives. Judgment is also easy from the other side. Extroverted worshipers might assume that just because I am not raising my hands or openly weeping I'm not worshipping.

As I mentioned at the beginning I can see how I was bringing false sacrifices of worship for the past couple of years, but this also happens to extroverted worshippers. This is one of the reasons I am so tempted to judge them: because I know that I do the same things. I present this false image in order to be accepted, but am I actually listening to the words I'm singing? Are they impacting my life? Maybe... Maybe not. Only God and I know.

So this school year has been interesting. I've struggled with understanding what worship looks like for me and what it looks like for other people. I've learned that I like worship songs that are like the music that I listen to, which is pretty low-key. I've learned that I do not like Jesus-is-my-boyfriend-lyrics being repeated endlessly. I am very grateful for Mars Hill and the worship they have there. They do a very good job of keeping the focus off of themselves and onto the lyrics and God. I think that's another issue I struggle with here; I feel like I'm distracted by the clothes, hair, makeup, or fancy vocal flourishes the singers throw into worship. ...But that's just me.

I guess the takeaway for me was that whether you worship outwardly or inwardly, you can still bring false sacrifice. But don't think you can look at your neighbor and see what it going on in their heads- leave that to God.

"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts... O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." -Psalm 51:6a, 15-17

Psychiatric Rotation

2010-01-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

I'm about to leave for our orientation at the psychiatric hospital.  I'm excited and a little unsure about this.  I don't really have many preconceived notions about nurses in psych hospitals- I guess I always thought there were only orderlies in psych hospitals.  We can thank the media for implanting that idea in my head.  But it seems to me that nurses at psych hospitals will mostly pass meds.  I hope it's not like long-term care; that rotation made me sure I did not want to work with the geriatric population.  I want to do something fast-paced with a lot of patient interaction, and I want to be able to use the techniques we're learning how to do.

I would love to work with patients with anorexia nervosa or bullimea in the psych rotation.  I feel a special concern for them.  I want them to be free of their chains.  But we'll see what happens in this rotation.  It doesn't start until Febuary, so I have some time to ponder what it will be like.  I could be working with patients who are coming off of a substance abuse problem OR I could get to work with people who have disorders like schizophrenia.  It'll be interesting no matter where I'm put.  

In our biopsychosocial class we'll be studying eating disorders for one week.  I think this class will be really interesting, but soooo different from what we learned last semester.  One of our assignments is to attend an AA meeting.  We are to introduce ourselves in the typical format, but we'll say that we're nursing students instead of alcoholics.  "Hi, I'm Elyse and I've been a nursing student since August..."  I would have laughed if our teacher made us say we were alcoholics.  Then we'd be like spies infiltrating an AA meeting.

Fortunately NU doesn't require that its students are that sneaky. haha...

2010-01-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

I wrote a blog post, but I deleted it because I hated it.

But I'm back. Hello blogging world.

A Few Things...

2009-01-31T22:25:00.000-08:00

I bought fern green yarn today. It's made from plastic bottles and, interestingly enough, is really soft.

I like being in the middle of a knitting project. There is a sense of accomplishment and hope. At the beginning I only feel excitement and anticipation. The chance of giving up weighs heavily on my mind. I imagine the final product as I pick out my colors. Thoughts about previous failed projects fleet through my mind. But even when I fail, I still end up picking out another project. There is a sense of industry achieved that I rarely feel except when I'm crafting. You crafters know what I'm talking about..

I'm about eight and a half inches into my latest project. So that leaves about twenty-eight inches left. This could be rather discouraging, but looking at those 8.5 inches is a reminder of how working slowly really does accomplish things.. I have made progress and I can now visualize what it is actually going to look like. It's pretty.

I've never attempted anything this massive before. It'll probably take me about a billion years to finish. Oh well.

But back to the eco-friendly yarn. I like the idea of making water bottles into yarn. Plastic water bottles are kind of ridiculous, so why not use the TONS we have laying in land-fills to make something soft and cuddly?

Cats Overdose on Catnip

2008-11-17T21:29:00.000-08:00

I will own one someday...

2008-11-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

It's like a train wreck!

2008-10-10T20:12:00.001-07:00

I can't... Stop... Watching!!!

"They were like my firstborn..." hahahahaahahha...

Happy Birthday, Bella!

2008-10-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

October 1999

She's half my age (well, in 12 days).

Happy Birthday, Bella!

Life

2008-09-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

(Yoga followers... They found a perch by the bridge at Deception Pass, when we were there. It was amazing.)

So everyone, (maybe two people.. Maybe) summer was crazy! It was crazy good.

The highlights are:

Having an amazing job, on which I took a nap.
Working the 4th of July (not joking...)
Getting my kittens!
Camping with Kristy and company.
Hanging out with Sasha.
Being honest with Mary about hating change.
Growing in my friendship with Mary.
Hanging out with Allie.
Getting contacts.
Having John home.
Jeff's goodbye party.
Getting more involved with the youth group.

So those all have stories behind them, some have many, many stories, so if you are curious, you can email me. However, I doubt any of you are. ;)

God has been so present this summer. I think the main thing I've learned is that when things aren't going my way, it's alright because they are going God's way. My plans have been relocated and shifted around. I've felt uncomfortable and angry... But I've learned that change has to happen. And those moments when I feel like my plans are being dashed to pieces? Those aren't bad moments. I think those are the moments when I realize that God knows.

Like when I said goodbye to Sasha. That was hard... I don't know if I will ever see her again. But God reminded me that she came to Kristy's family for a reason and He is present in the Ukraine as well. :)

When I was having a problem with my best friend's relationship with her boyfriend... Well, God showed me that things do not have to stay the same. In fact, because I was honest with her about how I hate change, I really feel like that made our friendship stronger. After so much time invested in our friendship, I did not want to lose it. But that was all worked out.

When I felt purposeless and afraid... God answered my doubts in a half hour. He encouraged me so fully that I was even excited for my classes!

After this summer I am throughly convinced that God loves me; His plan for me is most excellent, even when I can't understand why my contact is stuck behind my eyeball... He is doing it all for a purpose.

Uhhh...

2008-09-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

Hey! Her shirt looks like my hott sweatshirt! Apparently she likes cats...

Max, Bella and Sasha

2008-08-18T22:12:00.000-07:00

This is Max. If you took a teddy bear and turned him into a dog, he would be Max.
This is Bella. She is basically a pig, which makes her adorable. She just walks around snorting. ALL day. I started wondering what a bulldog puppy would look like... It would look like this. So that's why people want them... ;)
This is Sasha. She was abused before her owner rescued her. She still has some issues, but she is getting better.

All three of these dogs were at work today. I found it entertaining that they all had the same names as my Max, Bella and Sasha. So far no Elyse dog.

Quite Possibly the best commercial ever.

2008-08-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

Doggie Daycare!

2008-07-31T17:30:00.001-07:00

Today was so fantastic. Of course there was a lot of cleaning up to do, but we got the gigantic ball! And Vito the 92 lb Great Dane attacked! This is one of the highlights of my day. The other was when my coworkers called Katie and I out of the big dog room to come see something. So we were just standing there and then the box that held the Jolly Ball burst open and there was Jackie. They said they had been "plotting." hahahah... They must have been bored. I also weighed Vito and as I was doing that I was talking to him. ....I didn't think anyone was listening. However, Katie was. She had this smirk on her face... "You're like the biggest dog in the world...."

"Psh.. Like you don't talk to the dogs..."

Wow...

2008-07-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

This is one idea I might have to store away for my own wedding. My favorite part was this: "It was trickier with her future mother-in-law. “To her,” Ms. Berlin said, “I said it as a joke: ‘You should do Botox for the wedding!’ She giggled, and then I said, ‘I’m serious. It’s exactly what you need to freshen up.’ At first she kind of laughed it off, but the more we talked about it and I told her my mom was going to do it, she said ‘O.K.’ ”"

"It's exactly what you need to freshen up." Because you don't look good enough to be in my wedding... What a world. *sigh*

The camping trip summarized

2008-07-23T21:46:00.000-07:00

I'll post some other highlights later.

Hm...

2008-07-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

Slight resemblance to a certain villain in theaters now?

"You were dead." "What?!"

2008-07-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

My blog is quite neglected, poor bloggy. I just spent a week with Kristy. Of course that does not explain my lack of interest in blogging. Sasha is leaving on Thursday. We might never see her again.

I don't cry often. When I do cry it's usually because someone hurt me, so I don't usually cry for reasons that aren't caused by sin. Either my own sin or someone else's. But today I cried. Bella stared at me. Max looked at me and said, "What?" Then he came over and said, "I'm going to give you a big hug." Like he could squeeze the tears away. So he hugged me, three times. Yeah.. He's sweet.

Anyway, so you can all use your imaginations, but saying goodbye to Sasha was really hard. I think it was so hard because I don't know if I will ever see her again. She isn't a Christian, so this really could be the last time I see her. But as I was driving home I thought about how she ended up with Kristy and Rob and our whole family. That was no accident, and I told myself that there was a plan behind that. That little crazy Ukrainian, who beats me at Uno, was meant to be with our family.

It was so interesting to only be able to show love to her. I couldn't talk to her about how Jesus is my best friend or how He is the only one who knows my hurts before I do. How can you talk to a person about Jesus when the person's most used phrase is, "What is this?!"? You can only show love. So we treated her like one of us, but with more hand motions.

Anyhoo, I WILL post pictures of camping, it was intense. So many adventures.

But now back to life? Dogs? School? Running?

Also, the cats are huge. It was shocking. Seriously.

2008-07-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

I am kind of lacking words right now. I had a lot of them, but now I just feel sadness. I just watched The Devil Came on Horseback. It's about the genocide in Darfur.

How many of you remember Darfur? I didn't.

I live in this sheltered bubble. My bubble consists of working and doing school. I hang out with my friends, I go to church, I try to live for God. The major concern of my life is doing well in school and paying for school. My minor concerns are the rising fuel prices.

My bubble was just popped. People are being murdered and our government is doing nothing. Its hands are tied. This situation is so complicated... And these horrid things are not just happening in Darfur, they are happening all over the place.

The movie uses a lot of pictures. There are pictures of dead people, all killed in various ways. I didn't cry until this one Sudanese man was interviewed. He told the people about how he and his family had to escape. Then he talked about how he wants the Sudanese government to make peace with the Sudanese people. Then he said he wanted to send his very warm thanks to the American people. He said that all the aid he has received has been from America. Then he said, "We pray for the American people."

I'm crying right now. The main concern of the average American is how horrid the economy is. That man's concern is getting back to his homeland, which was bombed. He has probably lost many friends and family members. And we complain about paying more for milk.

"We pray for the American people." Then he started crying... He had so much gratitude for us. We give so little, but it's so much to them.

These horrid situations that are in the world are a result from our brilliant idea to rebel against God. Can you imagine how horrible it must have been when Noah was alive? God wiped the earth clean because it was so bad. Now we're all just waiting for Jesus to come and get us.

Anyway, all of you should see this movie. It will burst your bubble. We Americans need that.

I opened up the web and the main story on CNN was that someone died in a hospital waiting room and the family was suing for $25 million. People are killing others and some of us are so deluded that we can't see past our own small problems. Also, Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend just had a baby; I'm so glad that's big news. We all needed to know that so badly.

2008-07-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

Kitties!

2008-06-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

We need a name for this one.

iNecessito un nombre!

2008-06-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

We got a kitten, for those of the uninformed few. We named him Bobola. We got another one and he is a gray tabby. Any name suggestions? I'll post pictures later.

Meet Sasha

2008-06-17T13:50:00.001-07:00

This is my Ukrainian niece Sasha. She likes dogs.

And finger nail polish.

She just got here last night and she'll be here for around two months.

Happy Birthday, Don Juan!

2008-06-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

God is astounding.

2008-06-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

Ask Him to bring you closer and He will.

See how I love Thy precepts; revive me. O Lord, according to Thy lovingkindness.
Thy word all together is truth; every one of Thy righteous ordinances has everlasting vitality.
-Psalm 119:159-160

Everylasting vitality... His words are life giving, eternally.

oooooh!

2008-06-04T23:19:00.000-07:00

So, if any of you want to get me a birthday present four or so months early... I love this shirt. Because you can't see the monster unless you're in the sun...

Who thought of ink that does that?! He or she needs a medal. (totally wrote metal. My brain=gone)

Awesome Scholarship!

2008-05-27T20:43:00.000-07:00

My favorite so far is the duct tape scholarship. You have to go to prom wearing a dress made entirely out of duct tape and your person must be wearing duct tape as well. I'll list some of my favorites.

Classy.

SO. MUCH. WORK.

I would wear this dress...

Probably my favorite so far.

Wooooow.

Cute.

Aaaaaaand the winners of the contest.

Polka dots!

Think they were from a small town? Camo and hunter orange... hmm..

hahahahahah....

I am liking the unique colors here...

Hissssssstory

2008-05-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

If you had some ancestors in the military you can look up their records from now until the end of the month. Go try it out! I've already looked up my confederate ancestors. >_<

yes, I am awesome.

2008-05-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

I ordered a roundhouse sammie at Quiznos yesterday. The girl said, "Roadhouse?"

XD Yeeeeeah.. I need to work on my reading comprehension.

We had a good visit with Kristy and everyone. I'll put up some pictures later.

Neeeeeed

2008-05-15T21:53:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen Bella, you need to. Right now. It is my favorite movie, EVER.

Depression

2008-05-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

37% of girls and 20% of guys in the U.S. have been so hopeless that they have stopped their regular activities.

22% of girls and 12% of guys have seriously thought about committing suicide.

Recently, I've been confronted (and yes, I do mean confronted) with many lost people. These people are hurt and floundering, looking for some purpose in life. This leads them to drugs, alcohol, sex.... Every place but where satisfaction is found. What's even more painful than watching them do this is knowing that the only One who gives purpose is so near to them, just waiting for them to ask Him to change them. These people are curious about Christianity, hungry for something more than the horrible things that they run to for satisfaction.

How will they know unless we tell them? How will they know unless we make a stand and lovingly tell them about our Savior? It's not the popular thing to do and we will get laughed at, but believe me.. It's worth it. They need Him, just like we needed Him. If it wasn't for His grace we would be where they are.. Lost and hurting. But we aren't there and we aren't there because someone heard His voice and told us about what He did.

A week or so ago I was talking to a guy about his religion. He said that as long as people are good then God will accept them (by the way, me talking to people about "religion" isn't a normal thing, usually the conversations I have with people are just focused on Jesus, but as it turned out, it was a good thing that we were talking about religion). I said something about how we are all sinners. A girl we were with whipped around and said, "Maybe we should talk about something else."

"Well, I'd rather talk about this than sex and booze."

"I don't want to hear about why you think I'm going to hell."

This was rather a tense moment, but then we moved on. A few minutes later she asked me what I thought about evolution and that lead into a conversation with lots of good questions from her. She was hungry. It was actually really amazing because just from the questions she asked I presented the Gospel. And no, she didn't accept Christ, but she heard me giving glory to God.

It's so important that they see us, you guys... It's SO important. And you don't know where your neighbor, co-worker, or fellow student is at. Just be prepared to give glory to God at any time. He left us in the world for a purpose, and that purpose is that more people can be saved.

"But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!”
Romans 10:14-15

Two years...

2008-05-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

Two years ago I could not have worn three inch heels... Yay for two years of no broken bones!

(also, shoes!!! UH-MAY-ZING. That's all I have to say. New favorites.. Now I just need to learn how to walk in them...)

Best thing ever.

2008-05-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

So I changed my voice mail message. It says, "Leave your message in haiku form, please, thanks, k, bye."

Which I need to change so it's actually a haiku. Anyway. Connor left a message last night and said, "Well, I'm a little rusty on my haiku skills..." Caroline called and left a message and was talking like this, "And..... Then........ I...... Realized...." And for about two minutes I was thinking, "Why in the world is she talking like that?!" Then it dawned on me... She put her message into haiku form. I laughed for a while. Then I left her a message glowing with how amazing she is and how much I love her. hahahhaa

She's so amazing. So, if you plan on calling me... Prepare a haiku, it'll make my day. :)

Oooooooooooh my word!

2008-05-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

I'm. so. excited. Eight more days!!!

giggle

2008-05-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

So, when your Starbucks barista knows you're having a hard day... That's when you know you go there a lot. XD

I walked in to Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuks and Joe goes, "Hey! (big smile) what's up?"

"Oh, nothing. How about you?"

"You seem tired and irritated, what's wrong?"

hahahahahha.... That's funny. He's my favorite though.

(oh man! Bella just called to tell me that she told Kristy that I look like I'm old enough to drink. We ended the conversation with what I heard. "My butt's about to go into church." "Your butt is going into church?!" "I DID NOT SAY THAT. I SAID, "I'M ABOUT TO GO INTO CHURCH." hahahhaah... I could hear Kristy laughing in the background. Good times.. Good times.)

God is good.

2008-05-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

I felt really alone today, but only for like five minutes. God is good, He gives me everything that I need, He never leaves me by myself.

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9

Awkward men.

2008-05-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

So Amelia and I were hanging out today on the steps of building 27. Some guy looked at us while he was walking by laughed, smiled, and said, "Hey guys, how are you?"

"....Good." *glances down* *pretends to have a really interesting conversation*

"WHO WAS THAT GUY!??!!?"

"Ooooh!!! Maybe he was from my psych class!!!" I thought he was the guy who on the second day of last quarter sat in my seat, but was I about to be deterred from sitting in the front row because of him? Oh no. So I basically crawled over him to get to the end of the row near the window and sat down. After about 5 minutes he says, "Hey. How are you?"

".....Good. ....How are you?" I had to decide what to do after the initial shock of him speaking to me. I mean... He was the one who took MY spot, right? I didn't want to sit next to the older guy on the end of the row because he kind of scared me so I chose the OTHER side, which happened to require me crawling over this guy. So... Anyway, it was perfectly clear in MY mind that I wanted nothing to do with him. However, he wasn't thinking the same thing I was.

"Good."

(silence ensued for about five minutes)

Then he realized how awkward that was and he said, "I'm new here...." Like he needed to defend himself. haha!

"Oh... Hi, I'm Elyse. And you are?"

Anyway. It was really horrible and funny and he never sat next to me again. hahah! I told my mom the story and she said it reminded her of the girl in this video.

That was completely a side story, back on track!

So I thought it was that guy. Anyway, Amelia and I walked to my next class and guess what.... There he was. And he did the same thing! And it wasn't the guy! It was some random dude!

So crazy! I'm pretty sure he was mentally unstable actually AND there were like four police cars on campus. I bet they were looking for him.

But we survived. And today was a good day. (It was good. Reaaaaaaally good.)

Happy 500th post!!

2008-04-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Nacho Libre again. So amazing.

"So anyways, let's get down to the nitty gritty. Tell me, who is this Encarnacion?"

"Well, my favorite color is light tan, my favorite animal is puppies, I like serving the Lord, hiking, play volleyball."

"You gotta be kidding me. Everything you just said.. Is MY favorite thing to do EVERY DAY. "

Later on... "And they don't think I know a butt-load of cr*p about the Gospel.. But I dooooo, ok?"

XD You should watch it. Right. Now. Mary and I break out into our Nacho Libre accents like 20 times a day. Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

New pets

2008-04-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

Mom and I found some frogspawn by the lake today. In fact, we found about three different kinds and we have some tadpoles now. They're pretty cool. However, all the little creepies that came with them are NOT cool. There was this one that was in a tube and it would poke its head out and move and stuff. There was this other thing that was like the tube-creepy but it had algae all over it! We killed it. I was getting major heebie jeebies.. I mean seriously! I basically swim in that every summer!

I guess ignorance is bliss... Anyway, I'll try to get some good pictures of them as they mature. Right now they look like the above picture. I would guess we have about 100 eggs.

...You won't be able to walk out in the backyard from now on without being attacked by at least ten frogs... XD

Aging

2008-04-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

Today we got into a discussion about promises and John was promised something at age five. So I turned to the promiser and said, "He's almost thirty! Come on!!!"

"I AM NOT ALMOST THIRTY."

"Aren't you turned twenty-seven in June?"

"Yeah.."

"That's almost thirty."

"IS NOT."

"I'm almost twenty, I'm seventeen."

"No you aren't... When you are nineteen and three quarters THEN you will be almost twenty."

XD Sounds like someone is a little sensitive about his age...

hahaha!

2008-04-26T19:23:00.001-07:00

For all of you who might be balding... Or even if you're not, this is funny.

Overstimulation

2008-04-26T14:22:00.001-07:00

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.... Life has been so busy in the past few weeks. I've gotten to the point that I don't even want to go out of the house, I just want to experience it as an empty house. ;) So to protect myself from having to leave today I put on a bright orange shirt with my blue and green plaid Easter dress. So now I can't go outside! Yay! I might go for a walk though.

Oh, and I climbed my first tree yesterday!!! =D

YOULOSERRETARD!!!

2008-04-24T21:14:00.001-07:00

Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?

Well, Allie accompanied me to walking class today. We were walking in the Harbor and just enjoying being able to talk about life. While we were talking about life this shiny red beemer drove by with the windows down. And we were catcalled. Yup. Thank you, testosterone-fueled teen aged males. Allie and I were like, "PSH." Then we were wondering how you are supposed to respond to that. I am SO BAD with comebacks... Oh man. One time some junior highers came to the door on Halloween. They came back with some of their female friends The guys hid hiding behind them and the girls said, "They just wanted you to know that they think you're hott."

And I was dumbfounded. What are you supposed to say to that?! "Well thanks.. I really LOVE being judged by what's on the surface and being treated like an object! YES. THAT MADE MY DAY. PLEASE, DO IT AGAIN." >_<

Anyway, Allie and I could only think up, "LOSERRETARD. YOU'RE JUST A TARD. AND A LOSER." But this was all like five minutes AFTER the fact. So we decided we need to have a set of comebacks to be prepared for whatever may happen.

Seriously, I don't freeze up in social situations.. So seeing me dumbfounded is quite the thing to see. It's like I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to foster conversation. *sigh* But I still think there needs to be a plan of action. So I'm going to call together a few friends in the next week or so and then we will plan for hours to prepare ourselves. Then we may find some poor sap and say, "HIT ON US. WE DARE YOU." Then we'll have him weeping...

Oh yes.. I mean seriously! Maybe this is an opportunity for us to be gracious, but it's so lame! They get to make all the witty statements and we're like, "Uhhh.." It's horrid. But they only do this in groups, we are MUCH too intimidating to hit on one-on-one.

hahahahahah!!!

2008-04-23T21:31:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday!

2008-04-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

Haaaaaaaaappy birthday, Dad!

One more thing!

2008-04-22T21:37:00.001-07:00

hahahahhahahahahahahahahhaha!!!! Engineers... ahahahahahahahhahahahah!!!!! I think this is even funnier because I know quite a few engineers.. XD

O_O

2008-04-22T20:33:00.001-07:00

Ahem.

cough

2008-04-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

So I spent the night at Mary's on Friday. She wanted to do something mindless so that we could talk (and so that she wouldn't have to talk to me when she was falling asleep. You see, sleep is sacred to Mary. =P) so we cut pictures out of magazines and taped them on colored folders. So Mary flips open her magazine and cuts out the first thing that she sees and she does that until she was satisfied with the number of pictures. She just randomly picked out pictures. I opened up my magazine and went through the whole thing mentally marking things that I liked. THEN I went back and cut them out... Very slowly.

When we were finally all done cutting out stuff Mary just plopped everything down on the folder and taped it on. And I rearranged mine five times.... >_<

Yup.. I have organizational issues (fastidious, painstaking, punctilious, scrupulous, meticulous)... It runs in the family though. A certain family member of mine color coordinates her clothes and the labeler Mom gave her was her favorite present of all time.. XD (love you!!! =D)

*sigh*

My One Time Modeling Experience

2008-04-20T18:59:00.000-07:00

The glory... It's too much for me.

Some of the other models and I...

And yes, it WILL BE the only time.. =P

KEY-RAZY

2008-04-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

Old women preying on homeless men and collecting the insurance when they run the old men over? Yes... It happens.

Hmm...

2008-04-16T19:22:00.001-07:00

XD

2008-04-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Subject: Elevator is not working in Building 28

2008-04-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

FYI,

The elevator in building 28 is not operational. We are sorry for the inconvenience. It will be repaired sometime Tuesday, April 8, 2008. If you have a class on the upper floors of that building, use the stairs to ascend to your classroom and please allow some extra time to get to class.

xoxoxo
Director & Risk Manager
Campus Public Safety

Ah, love...

2008-04-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
-Ephesians 6:18

I love Jesus. I always said I loved Jesus but over the past few weeks I've been learning more about my relationship to Him and man.. I love Jesus.

I was at work a few weeks ago and I started praying something along the lines of, "You know Jesus, I'm so glad I can talk to you because I'd be pretty lonely if I was all by myself." It's the truth. My thought life is pretty random, but I usually merge in and out of prayer times during the day. Like I'll remember something that I need to pray about or even if I just feel like talking to Jesus (or just laughing at how amazing His sense of humor is, like a few weeks ago I was having a really hard time and I opened up the nearest Bible and it opened to Psalm 31. I read it and it was really what I needed and then I read verse nine, "Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly." I burst out laughing, and then I was weeping and laughing. "yea, my soul and my belly." XD God is amazing, He reminded me that what I was going through would pass... And that I had things to laugh about.). It's pretty fantastic. And especially at work because you're pretty much alone with about six dogs for eight hours and you go a little crazy sometimes, but I found myself talking to Jesus more at work just because I wasn't doing homework or dealing with people. That's when I realized how nice it is to have Him always there.. Always listening. What if I wasn't a Christian? I would have gone CRAZY. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but after five hours of being in a big room all alone with dogs.. Throwing balls for them... You either talked to the dogs, yourself or Jesus.

One time I took Kona outside for a walk and I was talking to her partially and mostly to myself and I looked up and some guy was doing landscaping work. I laughed at myself for a while. But see!!! If you talk to yourself all the time you go CRAZY. So I was really glad to be able to talk to Jesus. lol.

Jesus keeps my sanity. (And also, I've just got to the New Testament in my chronological journey through the Bible and I'm in Matthew... I don't think it's ever struck me before just how often Jesus healed people... It's crazy! But I shall post about that at another time.)

Ah, the good old 90's....

2008-04-03T15:39:00.000-07:00

We've been looking through some old pictures around here lately and here are some to keep you all entertained, or infuriated if you happen to be my sibling.. =P

Personally, I love the leggings I was wearing in this picture. I wish I had some now.. *weeping*

Blaugh

2008-03-29T16:14:00.001-07:00

Ok, on Thursday I picked up my books for school and went to Jo-Ann's with mom. Then I was called to go into work, so I was gone all of Thursday.

Yesterday I went to Northwest University for a visit and now I'm pretty sure I'm going there. We just have to see how God is going to work out the finances, but I'm excited to see how He will provide (if indeed He does want me to go there). And Northwest seems really awesome. I might make a blog about my trip later when I'm not tired.

Also, it snowed yesterday.... And Thursday..... >_< Craaaaaaaaaaaazy weather.

And I just got home from work. Today the so called "poop massacre" happened. It was gruesome and smelly. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand yeah. I won't give you any details here.

I've been getting up around six the past three days for various reasons, road trips, work, getting books. Anyway, that's kind of ridiculous since my first class starts at 10:30 on Monday. So I'll actually be sleeping in later in the spring quarter than in my spring break. Oh well, I got stuff done and made money. It's good.

And now I shall go sit on a comfy chair/couch or possibly my exercise ball... That thing is so comfortable! Oh man!

My epic battle for an A

2008-03-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

Soooooooooooo.... I got the spread sheet for my biology class and it said that I got an 'A'. I rejoiced! And then I got frustrated.

I started having dreams about getting horrible grades and having to battle my biology teacher for the correct grade. I ended up having a trainer (like Karate Kid style sans violence) who taught me how to correctly challenge her.

It was an epic dream. And then I had a dream last night that she gave me a 'B' instead of an 'A'. You see, she sent us the spread sheet to make sure all of the grades were right. It was not concrete. So I was almost positive that I would end up having a 'B+'. I wasn't about to get my hopes up.

Anyway, I talked to Mary this morning and she said the grades were posted. She got an 'A' and from the spreadsheet I got an 'A'. And we both got 95% in the class. We tied for the second highest grade. (This is from the teacher that has a 45% failure rate) But I still wanted to check to make sure that all of my consideration and dreams of worst case scenarios were indeed false. So when I finally got online I logged into the portal.. lalalalla... Found my transcript link, clicked on it... It loaded.

And I sat there and stared at the monitor, dumbfounded.

Bowling: A
Psychology: A
Spanish: A
Biology: B

Not even a B+....

Dad was downstairs and I was like, "She got it wrong. It's a 'B'. A 'B'....."

"Not even a 'B+'?"

"...No.... o.o"

So then I opened up the spreadsheet and looked at it again. There I was... Madam Butterfly (Mary picked out my codename. She was Diesela. =P) It said I had 570 out of 602 which equaled a 95%.. Below me were two B's.. 81% and 85%. That's a big drop. So I sent my teacher an email that basically said, "Umm.. I'm a little confused. You had me written as an 'A' in the spreadsheet, but on my transcript it was a 'B'."

But I had to leave! So I couldn't await her reply with baited breath... So I took my printed out spreadsheet and calculator so I could add up the points myself. And indeed.. I had a 95%. So I breathed a sigh of relief.

I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and replaced, but death's cold and bony fingers still had a grip on it.

I called Mary and was like, "GUESS WHAT. I GOT A 'B' IN THE CLASS. BUT NOT REALLY. AGGGGGGH."

And she replied in her most serious and concerned voice that I should call the teacher when I got home. I agreed. This is my GPA after all.

Don't mess with my GPA, people.

So I called Kristy and told her my long and dramatic story and she reminded me to breath. =P I decided to call Mary and ask her to get our teacher's number because I had pretty much nothing to do.

Anyway, to end this story..... It all was fixed!!! (Not yet, but it will be) Her computer switched my grades with the guy below me.

So if he looked he was probably like, "OH MAN. AN 'A'?!! NICE."

It will be ripped from him soon enough, back to its rightful owner. So now I feel that I can sleep in peace without any dreams of good-grade-thieves stealing my hard earned good grades.

We need this at work....

2008-03-24T22:42:00.001-07:00

Sooooooo...

2008-03-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

Don Juan issued a challenge tonight, actually it was more of an accusation. He said I should take a break from "facebook" but generally meaning the internet. So I was like, "Well... Maybe you should take a break from the xbox." So lalalala.. Mom and I went to the store and we got back and John's xbox broke. Sooooo looks like he'll be having a forced break from his greatest time waster and I'll be taking a voluntary break.

So maybe it'll start on Monday. Probably Monday because the quarter will not be over yet.

Sooo.. Doot, doot dooooo.. That's about it. I'll probably have the most productive week of my LIFE. =P Maybe I'll crochet a dog sweater... Clean out my room.... Paint my shelf black... Um... Yeah. I'll have time to do stuff. It'll be odd.

Visitors

2008-03-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

Well, today I was rushed by about 250 lbs of chocolate lab. What did I do? The only thing I could do.. Curl up in a ball and attempt to NOT get licked in the face.

I failed. Tonka crawled over me and got behind me and then put his paws on my head while he licked me. And Beau was in front of me licking my face. And the leashes were all messed up and I was basically on the front porch laughing and getting attacked by chocolate labs. Finally mom came out and said, "Would you like some help?"

...I'm pretty sure Dad and her laughed at me for at least half a minute first.. =P

bangs head on desk

2008-03-10T19:39:00.000-07:00

I just spent like five hours psychoanalyzing my personality.

....

Yeah. Wow. Well, I'm almost done with the third page of my paper! Yay! One-ish more! But seriously.. Twenty extra credit points for writing a four to six page paper? YES. I will take that.

Ah..

2008-03-07T21:17:00.000-08:00

One more week of school and then finals! Which is Monday and Tuesday and I only really have one final (for Spanish, but I'm not too worried about it. We've been using pretty much everything we've learned all quarter long, sooo yeah. And it's fun!), the other two are just tests over the last week (bio) or the last three weeks (psych). So that's nice. I still have a bit of homework to do this weekend and I'm finishing up a plant lab before I head off to bed.

Yeah, I'm still going to bed early even though it's Friday night. I've gotten myself sick again, for the THIRD time this quarter.. So awesome. *sigh* Anyway.

I have four days of WASL testing next week (in order to stay in the program at my college I have to take the WASL) and I have my Spanish test, a psych and bio quiz. So, lots of testing!

And I'm going to start my job during spring break! I'll only be working for spring break though and then in the summer. I'm working at my neighbor's Doggie Daycare. It'll be good.

So that's all the exciting news! Feel up to date? Good.

This is for JOO!

2008-03-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

Kristy, be prepared for the retaliation..

This is actually a documentary.. Yes. There are indeed crazy people out there.. Beware.

2008-03-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

The Zoo!

2008-02-28T14:45:00.001-08:00

This little otter went up to the tapir and tagged it and ran away. No joke.
"Who has awakened me from my slumber?!"
Tilly the aardvark. Yes, I petted an aardvark today.
yaaaaaaaaaaaawn
I was almost positive it was going to eat me. Goats are vicious.

hahahhah!!!

2008-02-27T10:13:00.000-08:00

I don't remember if I had shared this before, but it makes me laugh. And I really want to master his accent....

Ah. Public humiliation, how I love thee.

2008-02-25T20:09:00.000-08:00

So I talked to my biology teacher today about my interview questions for a letter we have to write. So then class started and lalalala.. And then she started talking about the letter and she was like, "And SOMEONE is already READY to interview her expert!!!" (as she stood right in front of me) And then she raised her hand as high as it would go and she pointed to me.

Yeah. I kind of hunched down in the seat and died. Later I was talking to Mary and I was like, "Yeah... Everyone in the class probably hates me now."

"I hate you."

There's real friendship for you. True to the end.

Kristy, this is dedicated to you....

2008-02-22T17:40:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty sure Kristy was tired of seeing my fake serious face, so here are some normal Elyse pictures for you. Enjoy.

Oh yes, I helped make dinner! It was yuuuuuuummy.

Cheesy meatballs, zucchini and tomatoes.

Over whole wheat pasta! It was gooooood. (btw this is hilarious.)

I wore this shirt to school today.

2008-02-21T17:38:00.000-08:00

Only one person said anything about it. He read it out loud and then said that it was a "good" shirt.

...It's nice to find like minded people.

What to do.. What to doooo...

2008-02-18T17:33:00.000-08:00

So what does one do on President's day? Go shopping of course!!! This shopping trip had been planned for many weeks after we were foiled in our planning.. But hurrah! Success!

Albert was in the dressing room for some reason.

Yes, Mary's dress DOES have little tiny Revolutionary war soldiers on it. I KNOW, it's AWESOME.Seriously, pomegranate lemonade. Get it if you're ever at Nordstrom's café, it's sooooo yum!

This Might Possibly be the Greatest. Thing. Ever.

2008-02-17T15:34:00.000-08:00

hahahhahaahaha!!!!

2008-02-15T18:47:00.001-08:00

Retard Award of the Year

2008-02-14T18:18:00.000-08:00

And it goes to me...

2008-02-14T15:08:00.000-08:00

Let Your Hair Down...

2008-02-11T15:40:00.000-08:00

One day, a few months ago, I turned on the radio in the morning before I crawled out of bed and I heard a song that made me cry. I was going through an intense time of the Lord showing me how to be beautiful by accepting who I am. Just to think about how He coordinates my life.. It's just insane. My camp counselor called these times "Jesus kisses." Basically, they are just times when we know that an instance happened and we knew that it was from the Lord.

Here's an example. My mom planted a garden in Oregon because she didn't want to move. She planted a row of tomato plants and at the end of that row she planted two bell pepper plants. They ended up moving because they thought it was God's will for their lives. There was a garden where they moved to and there were tomato plants there. Things weren't working out quite like they had expected and she was wondering if it was really God's will. A lady from their church was over and she was telling her what kind of plants were in the backyard. Down at the end of the row of tomato plants she said, "What are those?" And my mom had never noticed them before. They were two bell pepper plants at the end of the tomato row, just like she had planted in Oregon. (She says that sometimes she would have to go out and look at those plants to remind herself that God had a plan.)

Anyway, back to MY example. ;) I knew that God was using this song to speak to me and it still brings tears to my eyes just because of how hard girls struggle to feel beautiful and to change themselves so that they can be "acceptable." To know that God just wants us to be ourselves and to love how He made us.. He doesn't want us to struggle.. I don't know, I think that's absolutely beautiful.

" Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
... You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
... When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to."
-Put Your Records On

I find it funny how I'm not even into the type of music that Corinne Bailey Rae makes, but that song is absolutely one of my favorites because it reminds me of what God showed me. I don't have to change myself to be beautiful, I just need to be me. The way God made me. I think it breaks His heart when He sees us hating ourselves and changing ourselves, He wants us to be free from that.

(And just to clarify I'm not discussing sin, because I have many, many issues in my heart that need to change, but I'm referring the behavior of changing yourself to fit in with a group.)

Anyway, oddly enough, I needed to hear that song today, but for a different reason. The way God loves me astounds me...

Wow...

2008-02-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

I've been learning about DNA and I must say, I love learning about this stuff. If I didn't want to be a nurse I would want to go into genetics, it's so fantastic!

Also, it is absolutely astounding to think of how we are made from four nucleotides. Just four... Our alphabet has 26 letters. And yet with just four nucleotides God made you and me.

He's really smart. I'm just in awe.

hahahha!!!

2008-02-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

I still love Downhere (in case you were wondering)

2008-02-06T15:08:00.000-08:00

I met You like a little child
Wide-eyed and mystified
That You could love even me
So I'm here to testify
That it's been an amazing ride with You
And I have never walked alone
Wanna give You every moment, every minute
It's takes a lifetime to know You, to know You

And the more You show me, the more You grow me
The more Your glory becomes all there is
And the more I know You, the more I need You
The more I love You, the more You become to me

Fast-forward to the golden years
A smaller pride and a bigger fear
But still, no way are we done yet
I pray that You would keep me mystified,
In every way that I will still abide in You
Till You come to take me home
Wanna give You every moment, every minute
And take a lifetime to know You, to know You

Wanna give You every moment, every minute
I'll take a lifetime to know You
Hold me Lord, keep me
Draw me closer every moment of my life
-The More by Downhere

Honestly I had forgotten to search after the heart of God. I was complacent and I forgot that I can never fully know Him, but I want to.

Are you still amazed at who He is? You should be, I should be.. We need to learn who our Savior is. He wants us to discover who He is, this is all part of worship.

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
-Psalm 63:1-5

XD

2008-02-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to some audio clips of people saying who they voted for and why. Cracks me up when people are like, "Barack Obama is so charismatic, so I'm voting for him."

Hmm.. A charismatic president... Is that necessary? How about we ACTUALLY look into the issues people?!?!

I heard another lady who was saying how we need to help the "little children" and she was veeeeeeery much against abortion, so she voted for Romney.. Ha ha!

Uninformed people should not be allowed to vote or maybe they should just leave our country.

We went to a one year old's birthday party on Saturday...

2008-02-05T20:14:00.000-08:00

I love this picture...

This was after he got comfortable with the cake.

Before he dove in he was feeling a little cautious about the whole thing.

This is his "thinking" face. It's quite cute.

"Hmm.. Frosting.. Yes, this might just be a good thing... Maybe."

Called it!

2008-02-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

Not really. But I decided (rather randomly) to cheer for the Giants, and they won! Yay!

Not like I cared.. I didn't even know who was playing until today and I didn't stay for the whole party. =P

E-Day

2008-02-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

So Mary and I decided to be emo on Valentine's Day. So, I'm thinking black eye liner all around the eyes, and maaaaaaaaaaybe straightening my hair AND wearing ALL black.

Which, would involve black pants.. Do I have any? Hm... Maybe I'll wear a skirt. Wait. Is that emo? O_O

Also, I'm planning on having several Anti-Valentine Day functions in which I will watch horror movies with my friends.

(Wow.. This post was so cynical!!!)

Feeling slightly.. TRIUMPHANT!!!

2008-02-01T14:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I just found out what I got on my Spanish test... 96%

WOOOOOOOOT!!!!

On the last one my teacher said that 65-82% was good and was what she was expecting from the class. I got 86% and I felt like dying (because I have MAJOR issues about grades.. It's sick.) but then my teacher said that if we got anything about 82% that was great and we really had to work hard to get there. And so I felt a little better, but I was still like, "Mergh..."

But then I found out I got 96% and I rejoiced!!! I really studied hard for that one and maaaaan... It feels good to get that grade, let me tell you.. ;)

Heh.

2008-01-29T18:33:00.000-08:00

John and I just took airborne shots in the kitchen.

"Why do you sip it?"

"....Because there's a lot in there. *continues dainty sipping*"

"What's that they say? .... 'Through the mouth and over the gums. Look out stomach, here it comes!'"

"hahahahah!!!"

(yay for getting sick!! =P)

Deep-ish post alert! Run for the hills! Or read it if you want...

2008-01-28T17:46:00.000-08:00

I was hanging out with Mary and Amelia in the cafeteria today because pickle ball was canceled (so they had nothing to do) and I was early for class. So we were just hanging out and I looked over and I saw Connor and I was like, "Eep! I'll go ask him to sit with us!" And the Anti Social Anti Club groaned and said, "Can't you wait for half an hour?" So I left them with a glare for Connor's table.

So anyway, I sat down and he kind of jumped. lol. Anyway, we started talking about stuff and man.. It's always so great to talk to him because the spiritual things are interwoven into it. I asked him if he knew what college he wanted to go to yet and he said he didn't, but he was trusting God with it. He had just told me about the things that led up to his salvation (which was like... Last March.) and man.. It really is amazing how God works all things out for our good. It would take a while to tell you the whole story, I don't even know it fully. Connor has been writing it out and he's at 10 pages now, but he's just a tenth of the way done. =P So Connor responded to my college question with the thing about trusting God and he said that with all the Lord has done in the last year he couldn't guess what He is going to do in the future. So Connor is just going to wait for the Lord and he's totally ok with not knowing (although he's not just being lazy. He has applied to like 5 colleges. =P).

This really isn't a post focused on Connor, I promise you. ;)

After he made that statement of trust he said this in regard to what he is going to do:

Two rules, love God and love others more than you love yourself, which is interesting if you don't love yourself.

And then he said, "But.. That's a whole other issue. I'll address that at some other point." lol. Anyway, it was fantastic to talk to him again and I've missed having him around because most guys at school [read every guy that I've met thus far save three. But this isn't counting the guys that I've grown up with like Allen] are not seeking God, and plus Connor is hilarious.

I thought about what he said about loving yourself and it didn't really hit me how deep that was. It is so true. If you don't know your worth in God's sight you won't know anyone else's worth. I'm going to use an example of girls because, well, I am a girl and I'm not exactly sure how this self image thing works for guys.

Wow. I am really hesitant to write about some examples of not loving yourself and hurting others because it's really ugly and I do it a lot. I'm sure that every girl has done it, you see a girl.. Any girl and you size her up. Either you think that she is more attractive than you and you search for faults, or you think that she is less attractive than you and in that thought resides smug pride. I've been watching a movie with friends and the lead actress will come on and two of my friends immediately point out the actress's perceived faults. Sometimes I catch this and I look at them like, "What in the world are you doing?! God MADE HER. He MADE YOU. He chose EVERY SINGLE PART OF HER and He chose EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOU. You're BOTH lovely!!!" But mostly there's a voice in my head that joins them... And far too often it goes unnoticed by me.

Or if you know a girl and you feel so less pretty than she is. Little snide comments that seem innocent come out, but if you really looked into your own heart you would see jealousy.

How in the world am I supposed to SHOW Christ's love to some girl if I envy her?!?! It wouldn't truly be Christ's love because I would always be putting myself before her and trying in every small way to put her down.

But what about when I remember how I am loved and because of that when I love myself? What happens then? Then you can actually love that person! Then you know that God made both of you with a purpose and that nothing can make either of you more or less loved by God. Then you'll find yourself not tearing her down, but building her up.

Can you see how important loving yourself is? I would say that it is key to showing Christ's love. It's key to coming to live how we were supposed to live. Not with jealousy, but genuine care for others. I think that when you love yourself, truly love yourself then you can love others better.

I also think that girls tear each other down because of fear. That's just it, it's plain old fear. Fear of losing status, fear of losing attention... But you know what the Bible says? Perfect love drives out fear.

Wow. I love how God did that. I left early for school because of the snow, but the roads were fine but because of that I got to talk to Connor for like half an hour and the Lord used him to remind me of what love is. And I just looked up love in quick verse and 1 John 4 came up. Wow.... I love how God works. :)

This is my cry for us! "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." (vs. 7)

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (vs. 11-12)

(note in verse 16 how it says that while we are on earth we are like Him.. We're representing Him, you guys..)

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (vs 18)

"If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." (vs. 20-21)

Letting petty pride live on is not an option for followers of Christ and I've forgotten that.

Love each other, guys. Let's practice living like our Lord.

Happy 41st Anniversary!

2008-01-28T17:30:00.000-08:00

Ah...

2008-01-25T22:55:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching Finding Neverland. I liked it a lot and it made me cry.. lol. Not many movies do that, so that's saying quite a bit.

Anyway, I OWNED my psych test today (100%). There was much rejoicing. I basically sprinted upstairs and gave my mom a high five with a VERY happy and content smile on my face. =)

Yay!

2008-01-24T15:54:00.000-08:00

Today was super fantastic!!! After biology I met up with Mom and Dad and we had lunch, then we went to Fred Myer's and I got two heart helium balloons. So I found Mary's car and umm.. She was standing AT her car.. So I just ran up and I was like, "YOU AREN'T SEEING THIS." lol. Then I had Spanish and that was good, but then I had bowling... We learned how to score games today and I was working with Holly and I looked up and just glanced around and saw an older couple sitting at a table. Then I looked again and I just stopped and stared.. It was mom and dad. I was pretty much completely shocked, anyway, that was pretty funny.

So yeah.. Now I'm going to study for my psych test.. Yay? =P

My load

2008-01-23T15:37:00.000-08:00

My backpack weighs 21.2 pounds, but I am getting used to it now, so muscles have been conditioned and this is a good thing.

In other news I wish I could absorb the assigned readings through osmosis. It would save time.

Cuteness!

2008-01-20T21:28:00.000-08:00

AGH! MOM! FOOD!!! *rushes mother* *crushes puppies*
*happiness*
TEH BAAAAAAAAABIES! The big one on the left is from the last litter.
He's my friend. Today he crawled out through that far right hole in the fence.. It was quite amazing, but he was determined! He knew we were meant to be together!
Look at that face! It says, "I am content.."
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby!!!!!! I wants him. :(
*sigh*

Dear Elyse..

2008-01-16T18:17:00.000-08:00

I've decided to answer some questions people had when they googled a word and found my page. If I had a chance to answer their questions personally this is probably what I would say.

My blog's name is Jehovah Jireh, this is because in my life I am learning how He provides perfectly for every situation. He will never stop being Jehovah Jireh (the Lord who provides) to me, ever. Now that we've covered that I will move on, I've received 161 hits for respect just because I made one post about it. Well, if you want to know more about respect I suggest you read that post, there were also a few hits for self respect, well.. That's in that post too.

I have received 102 hits for wisdom teeth and that's not counting the various other "impacted wisdom teeth," impacted wisdom teeth," "wisdom teeth out," and "wisdom teeth operation." I have very little advice about this because I am not actually a doctor, but you will find embarrassing pictures of me and some wonderments about the surgery from me. I do suggest that after your surgery that you DO NOT go to Starbucks, no matter HOW MUCH you want it, it will just end badly, believe me. I woke up from my surgery, mom got me to the car, lalalla and I was like, "Maaaaaaahm... STAAAAAAHBAAAAAHKS." XD And then I cracked up because I could hear how retarded I sounded, "STAAAAAHBUUUUUUKS" And then my mom looked at me and was like, "Are you sure?" "STAAAAAAAHBUUUUUKS!!!" hahahahah!!! That was some good times right there. ANYWAY, I got my iced tea... Aaaaaaaand lol. You can't use a straw for a few days so that you don't suck out the blood clots that form in the holes so I was trying to sip it, in the car, with a numb and swollen face.... Besides the fact that I was bleeding and I had like four cotton swabby things in my mouth to soak up the blood, so I was drinking my own blood.. =x And then the cotton swabby things tasted like blood and a black iced tea lemonade.

Moral of that story? Don't order Starbucks after your wisdom teeth surgery, k? K.

hmm.. Moving on, 56 hits for "ferret" and 26 for "ferrets." Well, here's the thing. I hate them. They creep me out and they smell bad. Don't buy one.

Now for three in a row, "bobbing Jesus," "I have a lump on my wrist," and "moses the lord will provide." Well, Dashboard Jesus is the post for you, lucky contestant numero uno. I too had a lump on my wrist, but it went away. Don't have surgery if you have a ganglionic cyst and it's tiny, just wait a few months and rub it to see if it goes away. Mine did, maybe yours will too. :) Aaaaand for #3 I have no idea. The Lord will provide Moses? I think He already did. 0_o

"how to feel beautiful when no one thinks you are" well, I would say to you that people do think that you are beautiful. Our self images are pretty whacked because we are all sinners, so don't think you know how others perceive you, "The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" the next verse goes on to say that, "I, the LORD, search the heart," (Jeremiah 17:9-10a). Just think of that, you don't know your own heart, but the Lord does. Perhaps He is the only one to say who is beautiful or not, and believe me... He knows that you are beautiful because He made you, and He made you flawlessly! But, if you want to read more about how God views us you can head over to my post about beauty, which you might have already read.

Alrighty then, moving on. "lord will i ever have a boyfriend?" I'm sorry, this made me laugh. And I'm not sure how this person found my blog.. I mean, it's not like I make a lot of posts about how I feel like I'm missing my better half and that I really need a boyfriend. Because I don't. I suggest that if you are wondering if you will ever have a boyfriend to read the Word and find out what He has to say to you. Although, perhaps this post may have something for you.

"picture of pomeranian with jesus" hahahahahhhahaa!!!! You are quite the creative one, eh? "random facts about macaulay culkin" lol. Umm.. I had a friend named Seamus who lived down the street from the time of our infancy to about eight years of age and he looked like Macaulay Culkin, fortunately he no longer does and he has not followed Macaulay's path, as far as I know. "sufjan stevens casimir pulaski day" That is a good song, but then again I just love Sufjan. "best movie ever" that would be Bride and Prejudice.

Well folks, that's about it for this edition of Dear Elyse. Fare thee well!

!!!

2008-01-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

I get to see a cadaver on Friday!!!

I am content.

Pft!

Wake Up O Sleeper!

Taiwan! 2/7

Some glad morning...

Altars

Obstinate Thermometers, Stubborn Over-bed Tables, and Incompetency

Christian nurses? Prayer with patients?

1/29

Task List.

Worship

Psychiatric Rotation

A Few Things...

Cats Overdose on Catnip

I will own one someday...

It's like a train wreck!

Happy Birthday, Bella!

Life

Uhhh...

Max, Bella and Sasha

Quite Possibly the best commercial ever.

Doggie Daycare!

Wow...

The camping trip summarized

Hm...

"You were dead." "What?!"

Kitties!

iNecessito un nombre!

Meet Sasha

Happy Birthday, Don Juan!

God is astounding.

oooooh!

Awesome Scholarship!

Hissssssstory

yes, I am awesome.

Neeeeeed

Depression

Two years...

Best thing ever.

Oooooooooooh my word!

*giggle*

God is good.

Awkward men.

Happy 500th post!!

New pets

Aging

hahaha!

Overstimulation

YOULOSERRETARD!!!

hahahahahah!!!

Happy Birthday!

One more thing!

O_O

*cough*

My One Time Modeling Experience

KEY-RAZY

Hmm...

XD

Subject: Elevator is not working in Building 28

Ah, love...

Ah, the good old 90's....

Blaugh

My epic battle for an A

We need this at work....

Sooooooo...

Visitors

*bangs head on desk*

Ah..

This is for JOO!

This is actually a documentary.. Yes. There are indeed crazy people out there.. Beware.

The Zoo!

hahahhah!!!

Ah. Public humiliation, how I love thee.

Kristy, this is dedicated to you....

I wore this shirt to school today.

What to do.. What to doooo...

This Might Possibly be the Greatest. Thing. Ever.

hahahhahaahaha!!!!

Retard Award of the Year

Let Your Hair Down...

giggle

cough

bangs head on desk